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GEYSA'S MUSICAL PAGE

Modern Millie Lyrics













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NOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME
 
 
MILLIE:
I studied all the pictures in magazines and books
I memorized the subway map too
It's one block north to Macy's and two to Brothers Brooks
Manhattan, I prepared for you

You certainly are diff'rent from what they have back home
Where nothing's over three stories high
And no one's in a hurry or wants to roam
But I do, and they wonder why

They said I would soon be good and lonely
They said I would sing the homesick blues
(taking a train ticket from her pocket)
So I always have this ticket in my pocket
A ticket home in my pocket
To do with as I choose

(tearing the ticket in two)
Burn the bridge, bet the store
Baby's coming home no more
Not for the life of me
Break the lock, post my bail
Done my time, I'm out of jail
Not for the life of me

A life that's gotta be more than a one-light town
Where the light is always red
Gotta be more than an old ghost town
Where the ghost ain't even dead

Clap-a-your hands, just-a-because
Don't you know that where I am ain't where I was
Not for the life of me
Boh-doh-dee-oh
Not for the life of
Not for the life of
Not for the life of me!
 
 
THOROUGHLY MODERN MILLIE
 
 
ENSEMBLE MEN:
There are those, I suppose
Think we're mad, heaven knows
The world has gone to rack and to ruin

WOMAN #1:
What we think is chic

WOMAN #2:
Unique

WOMEN #3 & #4:
And quite adorable

ENSEMBLE WOMEN:
They think is odd and "Sodom and Gomorrah"-ble!

MILLIE:
But the fact is,
Everything today is thoroughly modern

ENSEMBLE:
Check your personality

MILLIE:
Everything today makes yesterday slow

ENSEMBLE:
Better face reality

MILLIE:
It's not insanity
Says Vanity Fair
In fact, it's stylish to

MILLIE AND ENSEMBLE WOMEN:
Raise your skirts and bob your hair

MILLIE:
Have you seen the way they kiss in the movies

ENSEMBLE MEN:
Isn't it delectable?

MILLIE AND ENSEMBLE WOMEN:
Painting lips and pencil lining your brow
Now is quite respectable

MILLIE:
Good-bye, good goody girl
I'm changing and how

ENSEMBLE:
So beat the drums 'cause here comes
Thoroughly Modern Millie now
What we think is chic, unique and quite adorable
They think is odd and "Sodom and Gomorrah"-ble!
But the fact is
Everything today is thoroughly modern

ENSEMBLE MEN:
Bands are getting jazzier

ENSEMBLE:
Everything today is starting to go

ENSEMBLE WOMEN:
Cars are getting snazzier

ENSEMBLE:
Men say it's criminal what women'll do
What they're forgetting is

MILLIE:
This is 1922!

MILLIE AND ENSEMBLE:
Good-bye, good goody girl
I'm changing and how

MILLIE: I'm changing and how!

ALL:
So beat the drums 'cause here comes thoroughly
Hot off the press! One step ahead! Jazz age!
Whoopee baby! We're so thoroughly modern

MILLIE:
Millie!

ALL:
Now!
 
 
NOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME
 
 
MILLIE:
I studied all the pictures in magazines and books
I memorized the subway map too
It's one block north to Macy's and two to Brothers Brooks
Manhattan, I prepared for you

You certainly are diff'rent from what they have back home
Where nothing's over three stories high
And no one's in a hurry or wants to roam
But I do, and they wonder why

They said I would soon be good and lonely
They said I would sing the homesick blues
(taking a train ticket from her pocket)
So I always have this ticket in my pocket
A ticket home in my pocket
To do with as I choose

(tearing the ticket in two)
Burn the bridge, bet the store
Baby's coming home no more
Not for the life of me
Break the lock, post my bail
Done my time, I'm out of jail
Not for the life of me

A life that's gotta be more than a one-light town
Where the light is always red
Gotta be more than an old ghost town
Where the ghost ain't even dead

Clap-a-your hands, just-a-because
Don't you know that where I am ain't where I was
Not for the life of me
Boh-doh-dee-oh
Not for the life of
Not for the life of
Not for the life of me!
 
 
HOW THE OTHER HALF LIVES
 
 
MISS DOROTHY:
This is living!
This is what I call living
I've hungered for this day
Since Heaven knows when
Year after year with a secret yen
All of my prayers, all my desire
Ev'ry waking moment with my heart afire!

Give me the meat without the gravy
I'll take the oyster sans the pearl
Pinching pennies, clipping coupons
See a brand new world unfurl
Let me brown bag all my lunches
Try my hand at canned cuisine
A Berlitz class I long to pass
How the other half
How the other half lives!
No fourteen-karat cronies, phonies
Fair-weather friends
I want an "on-the-dole" mate, soulmate
Stormy-weather friends

Pour me the milk but hold the honey
Bring on those funny money woes
Paying Paul by robbing Peter
Layaway to buy my clothes
Summer on the Isle of Coney
Winter in Hell's Kitchenette
I'll turn my dial to rank and file
How the other half -

MILLIE:
How the other half lives!
Poor? Not me, honey
I don't want those money woes
I'll marry Paul or Dave or Rob or Peter
So I can buy my clothes at Saks Fifth Avenue
Bergdorf Goodman too
The privileged few plus you-know-who
How the other half

BOTH:
How the other half lives!

MILLIE:
I'm on the way up!

MISS DOROTHY:
I'm on the way down!

MILLIE:
It's a good thing we met in the middle!

MISS DOROTHY:
Pour me the milk but hold the honey
Bring on those funny money woes
Paying Paul by robbing Peter
Layaway to buy my clothes
Summer on the Isle of Coney
Winter in Hell's Kitchenette

MILLIE (at the same time):
Poor? Not me, honey
I don't want those money woes
I'll marry Paul or Dave or Rob or Peter
So I can buy my clothes at Saks Fifth Avenue
Bergdorf Goodman too

MISS DOROTHY:
A wild sojourn

MILLIE:
So I can learn

BOTH:
Livin' like the other half!
 
 
THE SPEED TEST
 
 
MR. GRAYDON:
Take a letter. To a Mr. John Hudson, Hudson's Floor Wax.
You will find an invoice in the file for the address. "Dear Mr. Hudson," colon:

My eyes are fully open to my awful situation
So I'm writing you a letter to demand an explanation
When the floor wax that we bought from you
Arrived here Monday morning
We discovered upon usage that the fume
Should have a warning
Since the only possibility is that the wax is rancid
I request a full refund of all the money we advanced
And unless you can convince me
You've improved the floor wax batter
We will take our business elsewhere
So I hope you solve this matter

How's my speed, Miss Dillmount?

MILLIE:
A little slow, perhaps.

MR. GRAYDON:
Ah!
Enclosed you'll find a small container
Of the stuff I talk about
Just carefully remove the lid
And take a whiff if you've a doubt
I'm sure you wouldn't want me
To alert the daily papers
With the news of how our office
Was affected by your vapours
Which is why I choose to write to you
A confidential letter
Full of strong recommendation
That you make your floor wax better
I just hope it won't require us
To have our floor relaid and
If it does you may expect a bill
Sincerely, Trevor Graydon

Now, read that back to me please.

MILLIE:
Certainly. "Dear Mr. Hudson," colon:
My eyes are fully open to my awful situation
So I'm writing you a letter to demand an explanation
When the floor wax that we bought from you
Arrived here Monday morning
We discovered upon usage that the fume
Should have a warning
Since the only possibility is that the wax is rancid
I request a full refund of all the money we advanced

MR. GRAYDON:
Nice!

MILLIE:
And unless you can convince me
You've improved the floor wax batter
We will take our business elsewhere
So I hope you solve this matter

MR. GRAYDON:
Not half bad. Continue please.

MILLIE:
Enclosed you'll find a small container
Of the stuff I talk about
Just carefully remove the lid
And take a whiff if you've a doubt
I'm sure you wouldn't want me
To alert the daily papers
With the news of how our office
Was affected by your vapours
Which is why I choose to write to you
A confidential letter
Full of strong recommendation
That you make your floor wax better
I just hope it won't require us
To have our floor relaid and
If it does you may expect a bill
Sincerely, Trevor Graydon

MR. GRAYDON:
Miss Dillmount, may I speak frankly?

MILLIE:
Yes?

MR. GRAYDON:
If I could be so lucky
As to have a good stenographer
To keep this place as up-to-date
As her short skirt and bobbed coiffure
I wouldn't have to worry 'bout
Our soured office planking
And could concentrate on generating
Profits ripe for banking
That is why I'm testing you
With this outrageous correspondence
Which I don't intend to actually mail
To the respondents
So if you can make sense of my unintelligble patter
Then the job is yours and Hudson's Floor Wax doesn't matter

MILLIE:
Hudson's Floor Wax doesn't matter?
Matter, matter, matter, matter
Hudson's Floor Wax doesn't matter?
Matter, matter, matter, matter

MR. GRAYDON (at the same time):
Hudson's Floor Wax doesn't matter!
Matter, matter, matter, matter
Hudson's Floor Wax doesn't matter!


OFFICE WORKERS (at the same time):
Hudson's Floor Wax doesn't matter!
Matter, matter, matter, matter

MR. GRAYDON:
Now, I want that letter on my desk in two minutes flat. Man your machine! Go!

(Millie's rapid fire typing/tapping dazzles the office workers. She presents the finished letter to Mr. Graydon.)

Time! "Dear Mr. Hudson,"

MILLIE AND OFFICE WORKERS:
Colon.

MR. GRAYDON:
My eyes are fully open to my awful situation
So I'm writing you a letter to demand an explanation
When the floor wax that we bought from you
Arrived here Monday morning
We discovered upon usage that the fume
Should have a warning
Since the only possibility is that the wax is rancid
I request a full refund of all the money we advanced
And unless you can convince me
You've improved the floor wax batter
We will take our business elsewhere
So I hope you solve this matter

MILLIE AND OFFICE WORKERS:
So I hope you solve this matter
So I hope you solve this matter
So I hope you solve this matter
Matter, matter, matter, matter

MR. GRAYDON:
Going on.

Enclosed you'll find a small container
Of the stuff I talk about
Just carefully remove the lid
And take a whiff if you've a doubt
I'm sure you wouldn't want me
To alert the daily papers
With the news of how our office
Was affected by your vapours
Which is why I choose to write to you
A confidential letter
Full of strong recommendation
That you make your floor wax better
I just hope it won't require us
To have our floor relaid and
If it does you may expect a bill
Sincerely, Trevor Graydon

You have made the team Miss Dillmount!

OFFICE WORKERS:
You have made the team Miss Dillmount!

MILLIE:
Tell me where my desk is
When we eat lunch
How much I'll be paid, and
Nice to meet you, I know we'll be friends
Just call me Millie Graydon

MR. GRAYDON and OFFICE WORKERS:
Millie Graydon?

MILLIE:
I mean Dillmount!

MR. GRAYDON and OFFICE WORKERS:
Millie Dillmount?

MILLIE:
Someday Graydon!

MR. GRAYDON and OFFICE WORKERS:
Graydon? Dillmount? Dillmount?
Graydon? Graydon? Dillmount?

MILLIE:
Graydon!

ALL:
Ahhhhhhh!
 
 
THEY DON'T KNOW
 
 
MRS. MEERS:
They don't know my flair for the dramatic
Not a clue, the talent I possess
Pretty girls, but not much in the attic
Face-to-face with genius, and they never guess

They don't know they're staring at an artist
Highly trained to take on any role
Skillful mime, and brilliant laundry cart-ist
Seeking retribution for the life they stole

I almost acted Chekhov, Ibsen, Shaw, Moliere
I almost starred as Peter Pan; imagine moi midair!
I almost tackled Shakespeare, a blushing Juliet
And if the house were big enough I still could play her yet!

They don't know I'm hotter news than Duse
Helen Hayes and Bernhardt all in one
They're on top, and I look like the loser
Wait and see who's standing when my play is done

So welcome all ye bright young ladies
You're checking into Hotel Hades
I won't stand by while critics praise ya
You're getting shipped to Southeast Asia
But they don't know, they don't know
Sad to be all alone in the world
But they don't know
 
 
WHAT DO I NEED WITH LOVE
 
 
JIMMY:
Oh, the places I would like to show you
Although I hardly know you
I've a funny feeling we make a perfect pair
Famous sites I want to see you seeing
Then nights of you and me-ing
Me. You. We -
Wait a minute! Just a minute! No, no, no, no!

I'm a Joe with just oen aim
Ev'ry night to date a diff'rent dame
Call each one of 'em the same pet name
"Hey, baby!"
In a row, I have my ducks
Loads of gals to give me loads of yucks
Leave the cooing to the other clucks
I don't mean maybe
Got it good. What do I need with love?

Always practice what I preach
Keep temptation out of easy reach
Stick to dolls who wash their hair in bleach
I'm happy
Come and go the way I choose
Never gonna sing the tied-down blues
Other guys would kill to fill my shoes
No wing-clipped sappy
Got it good. What do I need with love?

That was a near miss, talk about a close shave
Flirted with disaster
There must be someone up there watching over me
Talk about a four-leaf-clover-me
Peter Rabbit's missing footsie
Means I roll without a tootsie

Got it good. What do I need with love?
I got it good. What do I need with love?

Skip the vows and all that rot
Tell the minister that "I do" not
Bright and breezy is the -
Birds and bees-y is the -
Free and easy is the life I got

Without her.

Although I hardly know you
What do I need with love?
I got it good
Got it good
But now I got it bad!
 
 
ONLY IN NEW YORK
 
 
MUZZY:
The wonders of the world are said to stop at seven
But truth to tell my figures don't agree
I number them at eight, with one so close to Heaven
The others pale, their magic stale
Just take a look and see

Step right up to Treasure Isle
Ev'ry inch of it, a sky-high mile
Fairytale land
Only in New York

Hey castle-builder
Want the moon, and nothing less?
Work for years, then overnight success
I know firsthand
Only in New York

Each day it's free admission to those who dream
You set your sights all the way upstream
Off you go, for you know that cream will rise

Make that wish, seek that thrill
Come and get it, 'cause you always will
Strike up the band
Only in New York

Each day it's free admission to those who dream
You set your sights all the way upstream
Off you go, for you know that cream will rise
Rise!

New, improved and rearranged
It's ever-changing, yet it's never changed
Life on command
Hear what I'm saying, oh but it's grand
That's why I'm staying, right here as planned
Only in New York
Only in New York
Only in New York
 
 
JIMMY
 
 
MILLIE:
Am I drunk? Or maybe I'm dreaming
I oughta be screaming! He suddenly -

Everything today is thoroughly -

Just like that, without any warning
At two in the morning, he suddenly -

Everything today is thoroughly -

Were there signs, and I didn't see them?
A random remark, occasional sigh
That day in the park, the gleam in his eye

Everything today is thoroughly -
Everything today is thoroughly -

Jimmy, oh Jimmy, silly boy
Gee, what a real swell guy
Jimmy, oh Jimmy, oh what joy
He makes my troubles fly
His glance had fireworks in it
We kissed, my heart did a
Whiz-bang, flip-flop
Heaven for a minute

Jimmy, oh Jimmy, don't you know
What I can't quite confess?
So coax me, implore me
I promise you won't bore me
Jimmy I might say yes

He makes my troubles fly
His glance had fireworks in it
We kissed, my heart did a
Whiz-bang, flip-flop
Heaven for a minute

Jimmy, oh Jimmy, don't you know
What I can't quite confess?
So coax me, implore me
I promise you won't bore me
Oh, Jimmy, I might say yes
 
 
FORGET ABOUT THE BOY
 
 
MILLIE:
No canary in a tree for me
This canary's ready to fly free

Cut the cord
Is that a man I once adored?
He's nothing but an albatross
No great loss
Doublecrosser
Forget about the boy
Pull the plug
Ain't he the one who pulled the rug
He's lower than an alley cat
Dirty rat
And I flatter
Forget about the boy
Forget about the boy
Forget about the boy

And in the moonlight
Don't you think about him
Sister, you're much better off without him
You can blow the blues a kiss goodbye
And put the sun back in the sky
For when he comes crawlin'
I'm not fallin'

Shout hooray and halleluh!
Now me and mister wrong are through
I'll find myself another beau
Who I know is no rover
Forget about the boy
Forget about the boy
Forget about -

Jimmy, oh Jimmy, Jimmy

TYPIST #1:
Horace

TYPIST #2:
Danny

TYPIST #3:
Milton

TYPIST #4:
Percy

TYPIST #5:
Edgar

TYPIST #6:
Timothy

TYPIST #7:
Alfred

TYPIST #8:
Vito Carbone

TYPIST #9:
Benjamin Pratt, the third

TYPIST #10:
Teddy Morgan

MISS FLANNERY:
Barney Schreiber, C.P.A.

MILLIE:
Jimmy, oh Jimmy, silly boy
Gee, what a real swell guy

MISS FLANNERY and TYPISTS (at the same time):
Cut the cord, is that a man I once adored?
He's nothing but an albatross
No great loss, doublecrosser

ALL:
Forget about the boy

MILLIE:
Jimmy, oh Jimmy, what great joy
He makes my troubles fly

MISS FLANNERY and TYPISTS (at the same time):
Pull the plug, ain't he the one who pulled the rug?
He's lower than an alley cat, dirty rat
And I flatter

ALL: Forget about the boy
Forget about the boy
Forget about the boy!

(The typists break into defiant tap, topped by MISS FLANNERY in a tap solo.)

Shout hooray and halleluh!
Now that me and mister wrong are through
I'll find myself another beau
Who I know is no rover
Forget about the boy
Forget about the boy
Forget about the boy

And in the moonlight don't you think about him
Sister you're much better off without him
You can blow the blues a kiss goodbye
And put the sun back in the sky

MISS FLANNERY and TYPISTS:
For when he comes crawlin'

MILLIE:
I'm not fallin'

ALL:
Hallelujah!
Forget about the boy
Forget about the boy
Forget about the boy!
 
 
I TURN THE CORNER
 
 
JIMMY:
Thousands of people
Way down below
Wandering to and fro
Tireless people
No time to lose
Crowding the avenues and parks
On their marks
Racing fast; quite a cast
Millions of people, pick any two
They could be just like
You and me used to be
Way back when, strangers, then -

I turned the corner
And there you stood
Your smile like home to me
Your heart familiar
No use pretending, not that I could
I turned the corner when I met you

I turned the corner
Stopped on a dime
Like I remembered someone
Long forgotten
No mere flirtation, no marking time
I turned the corner when I met you
When I met you

Was our encounter planned
Destiny's guiding hand?
Fortune or fate, it's grand
The way you make me feel

JIMMY and MILLIE:
All of the past erased
Glorious future faced
Now that my life you've graced
I'll never be the same
I turned the corner
Feet on the ground
My spirit soared as you appeared before me!
I wasn't looking, look what I found

JIMMY:
I turned the corner when I met you

MILLIE:
I turned the corner
For I'm falling in love with someone, someone
I'm falling in love with someone
Head awhirl
Yes, I'm falling in love with someone
Plain to see
I'm sure I could love someone madly ...

JIMMY (at the same time):
I turned the corner when I met you
For I am falling in love with some one girl
I am falling in love
A feeling I have never felt
Pulse is leaping madly
Yes, I'm falling in love with someone
Plain to see
I'm sure I could love someone ...

MR. GRAYDON (at the same time):
Falling in love with someone
Some girl
A feeling I have never felt
Pulse is leaping madly
Yes, I'm falling in love with someone
Plain to see
I'm sure ...

MISS DOROTHY (at the same time):
Someone
Some one girl
Head awhirl
Yes, I'm falling in love with someone
Plain to see
I'm sure I could love someone ...

CHING HO:
I love you, Miss Dorothy

MILLIE, JIMMY, MR. GRAYDON and MISS DOROTHY:
If someone would only love me!
 
 
MUQIN
 
 
MRS. MEERS:
Everything seems lovely
When you start to roam
The birds are singing
The day that you stray
But wait until you are further away
Things won't be so lovely
When you're all alone
Here's what you'll keep saying
When you're far from home

(MRS. MEERS dangles a photograph in front of CHING HO and BUN FOO: it's their mother.)

BUN FOO:
Muqin (Mammy)

MRS. MEERS:
That's right

CHING HO:
Muqin (Mammy)

MRS. MEERS:
Now you're talking

BUN FOO:
Taiyang zhao dong fang (The sun shines east)

CHING HO:
Taiyang zhao xi fang (The sun shines west)

MRS. MEERS:
But you know where "taiyang zhao" best

BUN FOO:
Zhao dao, zhao dao muqin (On Mammy)
Ta Shenshang

CHING HO:
Zhao wo, zhao wo muqin (My Mammy)
Ta shenshang

BOTH:
Wode xin yongyuan wang jiaxiang
(My heart strings are tangled around Siam-y)

CHING HO:
Wo lailiao. Buren yao nin duo dengdai
(I'm coming. Sorry that I made you wait.)

MRS. MEERS:
Take her home!

BUN FOO:
Wo lailiao. Wanle kongpa nin buzai
(I'm coming. I hope and pray I'm not too late.)

MRS. MEERS:
It's never too late for

ALL THREE:
Mammy, Mammy

CHING HO and BUN FOO:
Wo yuen zou baiwan li kan ni xiaomimi
(We'd walk a million miles for one of those smiles.)

ALL THREE:
My Mammy

CHING HO:
Wo yuen zou baiwan li kan ni xiaomimi
(We'd walk a million miles for one of those smiles.)

BUN FOO:
Wo yibei fanzui yebu haipa
(We'd lead a life of crime to buy us some time.)

MRS. MEERS:
They'll work for Mrs. Meers
The rest of their years!

ALL THREE:
My Mammy!
 
 
LONG AS I'M HERE WITH YOU
 
 
Muzzy's Boys:
We've been sad and lonsome here at Cafe Society but tonight the world is right.
A dream come true,
Miss "You know who" is back where she belongs.

Muzzy:
Life is a holiday. I'm talking June through May.
A nightly sell out show, and baby I'm front row.
Bye-Bye to lonely nights.
Only nights when the two of us can coo.
Skies are sunny and clear, Long as I'm here with you.

The world's a sugar bowl. It sevens ev'ry roll.
Sneak peek at paradise; the view is mighty nice.
I got no blues to sing; choose to sing a melody for two.
Happy ending is near, long as I'm here with you.

Boys:
Life is a holiday. I'm talking June through May.
A nightly sell out show , and baby I'm front row.

Muzzy:
I got no blues to sing; choose to sing a melody for two.
Happy ending is near, long as I'm here with you.
Who care if there's no booze, or that the Yankees loose?
Can't pay my income tax, but in spite of the facts,
No one ask for more,kid in a candy store!
The jackpot has been hit;
I'm living proof of it. And as for all that passed,
Call that past! I found a heart that's true.
What a red letter year, long as I'm here with you
And you, and you, and you, and you, and you and yeah you too.
So happy dear, long as I'm here with, long as I'm here with you!
 
 
GIMME GIMME
 
 
MILLIE:
A simple choice, nothing more
This or that, either or
Marry well, social whirl, business man, clever girl
Or pin my future on a green glass love
What kind of life am I dreaming of?

I say gimme, gimme ... gimme, gimme
Gimme, gimme that thing called love
I want it
Gimme, gimme that thing called love
I need it
Highs and lows, tears and laughter
Gimme happy ever after
Gimme, gimme that thing called love

Gimme, gimme that thing called love
I crave it
Gimme, gimme that thing called love
I'll brave it
Thick 'n thin, rich or poor time
Gimme years and I'll want more time
Gimme, gimme that thing called love

Gimme, gimme that thing called love
I'm free now
Gimme, gimme that thing called love
I see now
Fly, dove! Sing, sparrow!
Gimme Cupid's famous arrow
Gimme, gimme that thing called love

I don't care if he's a nobody
In my heart he'll be a somebody
Somebody to love me!

I need it
Gimme, gimme that thing called love
I want it
Here I am, St. Valentine
My bags are packed, I'm first in line
Aphrodite, don't forget me
Romeo and Juliet me
Fly, dove! Sing, sparrow!
Gimme fat boy's famous arrow
Gimme, gimme that thing called love!
 
 
FINALE
 
 
MUZZY:
So you see, snookums, you can marry your boss after all.

MILLIE:
Who cares? I found myself a green glass love.

JIMMY:
Funny, I found myself an emerald.
Have you seen the way they kiss in the movies?

MISS DOROTHY:
Isn't it delectable?

ENSEMBLE:
Good-bye, good goody girl
I'm changing and how!
I'm changing and how!
I'm changing and how!

ENTIRE COMPANY:
So beat the drums cause here comes thoroughly
Hot off the press! One step ahead! Jazz age!
Whoopee baby! We're so thoroughly modern ...

(A brand new modern arrives looking for her break in the big city.)

ENTIRE COMPANY:
Now!
















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